Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in runningtohell's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
11:46 pm	Cowardly bitches Any one who is such a cowardly bitch i hate you. If u mouth but never state a reason for ur hatred i hate you. and now the most recent thing that just realy pisses me off.... Wait that was it... but an example of that WHO EVER THE FUCK SMASHED MY MAILBOX im going to knock u unconcious tie u up and then when u come to start skinning u like a fucking cat. and trust me ive done that a few times and no u cant die right away from it it will take time and eventualy u will die of dehydration. who the fuck ever thought it was cool to beat the shit out of other peoples property is a fucking loser. i mean realy there are 6 mailboxes in a row completely crushed... that cost money to fix and i plan to b reembered completely if not in cash then in skin for ever dolar one dollar size peice of flesh. Im so fucking pissed. how many times a year must dumb bastard prove how little they can think and how much they want to die. If i dont find out who did it well this anger will jsut b passed to the next person so if u know who u are stay away for a week or so or i might try to run a knife completly though ur gut to ur throat. please have a nice day being retarded bastard i hope u crash and slide down the pavement on ur face and as u lay there bleeding realizing you are soon to die you put ur hand up to ur face and can tell there is nothing left and no one, not even ur own mother, would recognize whats left of u. And the feeling hit u you are going to die completely alone and at that moment id love to drive up and hear u beg for help and id just watch u slowly fade away in this agony. please have a geat life... ne and all of you Current Mood: amused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 21st, 2005
11:00 pm	WHO AM I You see me U shake my hand u feel my flesh when we greet. u hear my voice u think maybe u could get to know my ...but... I simply am not here. and was not there. I may seem depressed i may seem lost and always crying for hepl or whatever,,, BUt I am Great right here... I LOve Where I stand with society,(surprising?), and especialy my relationship with BRE. she makes me forget about ne pians in my past. she makes me smile like right now as im thinking about her. Shes afriad to let me down. Im Petrified she doesnt know she means so much to me. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
9:50 pm	have i finaly lost it or am i just the last to notice(my mind) i think i might have reach a wonderful conclusion....all u have to do is accept thing and dismis things to lose most of your worries. Thinking and dwelling causes pain. freedom of the mind to think outside the pain is what we all need. is what i have achieved. not saying on occation i dont fall into that pit,the deep dark self loathing one. I think people cus about 80% of their own problems or more. just relax b happy with yourself. and the rest usualy falls to a close homeostasis. going with the flow isnt that bad. but change of subject. when the gun isnt in my hand i get nervous. when my gun is outa reach i want it. when situations come up id rather shoot first then try to figure out y a gun was being pointed at me. very few people u associate yourself with are ever your friends. selfpreservation is stronger than pride. I like befriending people who get scared in situations im starting to get uncomfprtable in that way i get out b4 i am in a situation that i wouldnt wanna b in. i wish i could always carry my AR strapped to my back and a pistol strapped acrossed my chest. id feel safer knowing i could protect the ones i feel need to b or the ones id put their saftey ahead of mine.. yeha i know the list is short.. preaty much though i care too much for people. i would rather not care at all about most everyone. itd make life sooo easy. but easy would b boring. and well now i think i need to tell a story.. there was farmer who was raising a dairy cow and a hog. he kept these to feed his wife and 3 kids. one night he heard his hog whining he went out to c y and the hog was bleeding and soon died. the next night he went out to the barn and saw a wolf he knew if the wolf killed the cow his family would go without milk and already loosing the pig he knew this would mean his family would starve unless the could find the money to buy more stock even then there wouldnt b enough time to raise a new hog now winter setting in. the man shouted trying to scare off the intuder but the wolf turned and attacked the man. he wasnt killed then but kill the wolf. the man soon died of exposure not being able to get himself to the house from the barn. ... Another man was raising rabbits to sell he notice the number srinking after a few months. he stayed out watching to c if they were escaping durring the night and saw a wolf...the man didnt want to lose his rabit..his hobby ... he was killed by the wolf who soon had his run at all the rabits... ...the farmer had something important to lose he was protecting his family... ... if u read alll that u must know im not sure ne more what it says... or even care about the story at hand... but maybe it makes since to u.. Now let see whos read every word above... u must care.. or are realy bored. either way u probably think im crazy. Its been so long since ive writen in this damn LJ. Have u ever looked into somethigns eyes as its dying? have u ever seen the pupils shink then dialate completely out as all the muscles finaly begin to relax an the life leaves? Would u like to know what it makes u feel inside? The answer is nothing i lost all feeling got sick to my stomack later thinking about it. one day u too will understand death is not a thing we can avoid. Ive seen 3 people die... one burning to death...didnt realize it.... one hit a telephone pole on a bike.... live a little less than a minute nothing to b done... (also my fear bikes now) and one girl got hit by a car by a girl in a red pickup... she lost brakes. i never saw the girl she hit after she hit her... but i looked into the drivers eyes and tried my best to understand the pain she was feeling. Its horible... i know i could still kill. My morals are so supressed when my well being or someones i care about is i wouldnt just stop when i subdued the problem if i had to i could easily end someones life. if this strikes fear in ne one please tell me id like to know y. Are you afraid of dying? or being gone? or do u think u could just go without caring either way?..... How much do we pay for FREE speech? Disclaimer:...its not proofread...its not altered from my thought procces to some form that u may actualy b able to comprehend... and i dont care .this is how it is Current Mood: calm Current Music: lost in the procces (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 15th, 2005
2:28 pm	Fight Club! What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!) brought to you by Quizilla how interesting (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
6:50 pm	I think im killing my hearing.... i just broke my speaker.. couldnt hear. the earplug fell out earlier. 500 12 gauge rounds.... somewhere i guess i didnt notice but the hearings gone a loud buzzing.. then nothing... nothing.... wait i hear something.... the buzzing again. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 26th, 2005
8:14 pm	So every one whats going on? ive neglected this damn thing for a while now huh. i have been lost in my own personal shit lately. got alot of changes in my life... some good but mosty not so great... but in a peacefull nuetrality. Been shooting alot lately. ne one who wants to oughta go with me some time its fun. not to mention would like to spend some time with those so called friends i once had.... seem quite removed from what my social life used to be. well dont have too much to say but i need to do something time to time with "you" . ok well im gonna go chill on the roof. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
10:40 am	Bodies fill the fields I see, hungry heroes end No one to play soldier now, no one to pretend Running blind through killing fields, bred to kill them all Victim of what said should be A servant `til I fall Soldier boy, made of clay Now an empty shell Twenty one, only son But he served us well Bred to kill, not to care Just do as we say Finished here, Greeting Death He's yours to take away Back to the front You will do what I say, when I say Back to the front You will die when I say, you must die Back to the front You coward You servant You blindman Barking of machinegun fire, does nothing to me now Sounding of the clock that ticks, get used to it somehow More a man, more stripes you bare, glory seeker trends Bodies fill the fields I see The slaughter never ends Soldier boy, made of clay Now an empty shell But he served us well Bred to kill, not to care Just do as we say Finished here, Greeting Death He's yours to take away Back to the front You will do what I say, when I say Back to the front You will die when I say, you must die Back to the front You coward You servant You blindman Why, Am I dying? Kill, have no fear Lie, live off lying Hell, Hell is here I was born for dying Life planned out before my birth, nothing could I say Had no chance to see myself, moulded day by day Looking back I realise, nothing have I done Left to die with only friend Alone I clench my gun Soldier boy, made of clay Now an empty shell Twenty one, only son But he served us well Bred to kill, not to care Just do as we say Finished here, Greeting Death He's yours to take away Back to the front You will do what I say, when I say Back to the front You will die when I say, you must die Back to the front You coward You servant You blindman Back to the front Appologies for all the lyrics.. i feel down... not much to say a few things are still good.. a few great. im unsure of myself. i think im going to b throwing my life away if im not careful. need to focus on my work need to focus.. bout hit a train the other day wasnt paying much attention. bout got hit by a semi on the way home tonight. light went red and the one behind me didnt stop so i had to run it. and the guy in the intersection bout got killed by the truck too. thoughts of running away. thoughts of joining the military.. throw away what ive worked for. throw away the time ive spent to establish "this" Not sure about my future not sure if i want what i thought i did outa my life. i know where im happy but i know what im expectec to do... and i know what i need to do for myself. but can i take care of myself. NOW for all u bleeding hearts out there... its great u wanna help with reliefe in the south but.... think back to ne time uve ever flown... ok now the flight attendent is telling u for the 3rd time about the saftey on the plane and u figure ull humor urself and listen this time... so ur told when the masks come down TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST once u are in a place to u may help others. dont let ur own problems crush u while tring to help others. and for ne one out there who is on drugs WHAT the HELL are u thinking next time i hear of my friends using im leaving. i cant take it why do people use the excuse///"there's nothing to do in this town" FUck a bunch of u take care of urself. even if u dont realize it people care for u and rely on u so please take care of urself. PLEASE (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, September 5th, 2005
11:01 am	As the son of a son of a sailor, I went out on the sea for adventure, Expanding ther view of the captain and crew Like a man just released from indenture. As a dreamer of dreams and a travelin' man, I have chalked up many a mile. Read dozens of books about heroes and crooks, And I've learned much from both of their styles. Son of a son, son of a son, son of a son of a sailor. Son of a gun; load the last ton One step ahead of the jailer. Now away in the near future, southeast of disorder, You can shake the hand of the mango man As he greets you at the border. And the lady she hails from Trinidad, Island of the spices. Salt for your meat and cinnamon sweet, And the rum is for all your good vices. Haul the sheet in as we ride on the wind that our Forefathers harnessed before us. Hear the bells ring as the tide rigging sings. It's a son of a gun of a chorus. Where it all ends I can't fathom, my friends. If I knew, I might toss out my anchor. So I'll cruise along always searchin' for songs, Not a lawyer, a thief or a banker. But a son of a son, son of a son, son of a son of a sailor. Son of a gun, load the last ton One step ahead of the jailer I'm just a son of a son, son of a son, son of a son of a sailor The sea's in my veins, my tradition remains. I'm just glad I don't live in a trailer. cant we just go on a vacation? how bout the Keys? ne one up for it? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
9:48 am	I wanted to do it again.... put an x on all the things you've done: (x) smoked a cigarette (x) smoked a cigar ( ) smoked anything else ( ) made out with a member of the same sex ( ) crashed a friend's car (x) been in love (x) been dumped (x) shoplifted ( ) been fired (x) been in a fist fight (x) snuck out of parent's house (x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back ( ) been arrested.... (x) made out with a stranger ( ) gone on a blind date (x) lied to a friend (x) had a crush on a teacher (x) skipped school ( ) slept with a co-worker (x) seen someone die (x) had/have a crush on one of your MYSPACE friends ( ) been to Canada (x) been to Mexico (x) been on a plane (x) thrown up in a bar (x) eaten Sushi ( ) been snowboarding (want to) met someone BECAUSE of myspace ( )been moshing at a concert (/)been in an abusive relationship (x) taken painkillers (x) love someone right now (x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by (x) made a snow angel (x) had a tea party (x) flown a kite (x) built a sand castle (x) gone puddle jumping (x) played dress up.. (x) jumped into a pile of leaves (x) gone sledding (x) cheated while playing a game (x) been lonely (xx) fallen asleep at work/school (x) used a fake ID.. well.. someone elses (x) watched the sun set ( ) felt an earthquake (x) touched a snake (x) been tickled (x) been robbed (x) robbed someone (x) been misunderstood (x) pet a reindeer/goat. (x) won a contest (x) been suspended from school (x) had detention (x) been in a car accident (x) had braces (x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night (x) had deja vu (want to) danced in the moonlight (x) [hate]d the way you look (x) witnessed a crime (x) pole danced (x) questioned your heart (x) been obsessed with post-it notes (x) squished barefoot through the mud (x) been lost (x) been to the opposite side of the country (x) swam in the ocean (x) felt like dying (x) cried yourself to sleep (x) played cops and robbers (x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers (x) sung karaoke (x and tipped w/ coupons) paid for a meal with only coins (x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't (x) made prank phone calls (x coffee burns) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose (x) caught a snowflake on your tongue (x) kissed in the rain ( ) written a letter to Santa Claus ( ) been kissed under a mistletoe ( ) watched the sun set with someone you care about (x) blown bubbles (x) made a bonfire on the beach ( ) crashed a party ( ) have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people (x) gone rollerskating/blading (x) had a wish come true ( ) humped a monkey. ( ) worn pearls (x) jumped off a bridge ( ) screamed "penis" in class (x) ate dog food (x) told a complete stranger you loved them (x) sang in the shower (x shhh) have a little black dress (thatd b fun) fucked in a park ( ) fucked in the bathoom (x) had a dream that you married someone (x) glued your hand to something (x) got your toungue stuck to a pole (x) kissed a fish (x) worn the opposite sexes clothes ( ) been a cheerleader (x) sat on a roof top (id like to) had sex at a church (x) screamed at the top of your lungs (x failed) done a one-handed cartwheel (x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours (x) stayed up all night (x) didnt take a shower for a week (x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree (x) climbed a tree (x) had a tree house ( ) are scared to watch scary movies alone (/) believe in ghosts ( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes (x) worn a really ugly outfit to school (x) gone streaking (x) played ding-dong-ditch (x) played chicken fight (x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on (x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger (not mine) broken a bone (x) been easily amused (x) caught a fish then ate it (thatd b fun) made porn (x) caught a butterfly (x) laughed so hard you cried (x) cried so hard you laughed (x) mooned/flashed someone (x) had someone moon/flash you (x) cheated on a test (x) forgotten someone's name (x) slept naked (x) French braided someones hair (x) gone skinny dippin in a pool (i was let back in) been kicked out of your house (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 15th, 2005
9:12 pm	How You Life Your Life You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. Your friends tend to be a as quirky as you are - which is saying a lot! Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down. How Do You Live Your Life? oh how i love these.... (Comment on this)
Friday, August 12th, 2005
12:58 pm	whats on ur mind? u see ive realized if u have the money u can do things that would get me in trouble and people would stand behind u. I was watching bill maher hes fucking awsome. dont agree with everythign he says but the man stands up for his opinion and doesnt tell u not to have ur own. hes against religion.. and i think its one of the biggest problems in the world.. all these people running around on "faith" fighting wars on faith. what the hell. whats even better is when poeple think they are better than someone else because they catholic or some shit like that.. Just because u cant take responsibilty for ur actions and have an original thought does not mean u are better. i mean if somehting goes wrong in their life they turn to "god" like thats going to help... oh the answers in the bible...way to stop urself from thinking. how bout this u think if there was no religion would our nation b at war with "terrorism" No because the idea of flying a fucking plane into a building full of poeple was done on faith... u say oh that was a different religion than mine... well poeple are violent and dont like taking responsibility for things so y not say "hey i bet if i write this book that says this is good and this is bad we can have thing just the way we like it." If i did that today and tried to get folowers itd b called a cult... Well please post what u think..about ne thing.. dissagree with me.. agree with me.. change topic...be contravertial...please write something worth reading something that might piss me off. stand up for something for once..come on u can do it. (Comment on this)
10:38 am	PIE OK Well this week has gone fast.. and been boring.. if ne one wants to do ne thing tell me. id love some booze so please ask me to go out and do something. tonight was the senoir tailgate shit.. it sucked royaly lol. so me and matt left and went out. ended up at the mall and ran into kristin and audra. they said theyd call us to hang out later but yeah its alot later and kristin never called wich realy pissed me off. Later on at the mall ran into ashley and kara who invited us out ne time to the house they live in now..which is cool. but ended up completely bored in terre haute yet again so we went to krogers. ended up buying a keylime pie. thats right a whole pie. we ate about half of it in the goodies parking lot. well that is after we stopped by taco bell and got some knives and forks. crazy goood pie. but i have a headache from the pound of sugar in it. and i think u know this but call me up and lets hang out this weekend. I NEED TO DO SOMETHING. Hayley called while i was in the mall ..seemed realy happy..right... but im not happy either she doesnt seem to think i care what shes doing or how she is and doesnt call me on vacation..... but i guess i should b used to being pushed aside. eventhough i called her every night while i was gone for 12 days drivign to california and shit. racked up a bunch of money on that phone but i didnt care cus i got to talk to her... but i care now.....yeah that shit does piss me off.... SOMEONE PLEASE CALL ME B4 I HURT MYSELF.. yes that is a cry for help. yes it is all emo of me but who cares im lonely and need to drink...NEEEDS TO (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
7:03 am	They question if ur compitant. they tell u that ur not. they think u cannot survive on ur own, but when ur gone they will see how well uve done. They act like u cant live without them. they want u to believe that. so if u do ull b afraid to leave. BUT not me i dont get sucked into there crap i can take care of myself. i will leave them behind. and i will easily survive. you should break free; believe that they cant break u. because then they wont (Comment on this)
5:19 am	At what point to u realize that the poeple u care about dotn care about u? does it happen gradualy and u just dont notice until ur existance is being completely ignored. or does it jsut happen so quick u have no time to realize the transition and try to stop it. If its something i did i dont regret it. but i dont think i deserve it. but i guess that isnt my decision to make. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 24th, 2005
9:34 pm	Who are you? Hey everyone listen to this..Fuck a bunch of you.....but not some cus some poeple are nice.. i like those kind. like the poeple who dont know me well..lol oh well if u know who u are fuck u too .....lol have a nice day.... Oh by the way that felt good. in case u wanted to call me an asshole or a jerk its ok feel free to Current Mood: amused (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
9:23 am	What level of car person are you? Gearhead Repair shops are for wusses! You think that only pretty boys drive Corvettes. You know which colors and options were available on a 1966 Pontiac Catalina. Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. Well im not that good but that was closer than the other options they had lol (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 10th, 2005
12:15 am	left agian mom didnt care told me to stay the night w/ someone ...im loved... hung around mike for a while saw jerome. so ive seen all my frinds already today.. all but one.. ive talk to and seen kyle rome mike and matt the friends that actual realize that i exist. but i wont get to c hayley because my life is a bitch. a bitch that i cant fuck and control... a bitch thats out to get me... will tease me only to make it hurt worse later. but thats the way it goes for me. try to tell myself the bad shit will only make me apreciate and enjoy the good things more... but where is the good? i was thinking...and that made me sad cus im that way i guess someone said this is the best years of my life. i dont reamember when look back and think my life is good my life is grand but with this rifle in my hand this barel to my chin i think this is the only way i can win this barrel t my head displace my thoughts with high powered lead........ Current Music: my meat pod...(songs in my head) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 9th, 2005
9:24 pm	HELL is unchanging torture Im glad NOTHING changed while i was gone life is still hell here. everywhere i go i fell i dont belong and HELL is home. Well yeah im home now if u want to do ne thing get me outa this house please. hayley got grounded which sucks so as soon as i got home i was planning on going over to her house but couldnt do that so just drove around lost. saw matt he just got back too. traded cds cool i guess i can hide inside my head for a while while listening to lyrics ive never heard. but i think that suicide would b an easier way out. you say its for cowards? Well im scared now im a fucking coward now what? shit im too weak to pull the trigger. killed a crap load of fucking rodents the last 3 days shot almost a thousand rounds of ammo. well it was fun to kill so much. wish i coulda been out in one of those fields popping my head up to get a bullet traveling 4000 feet per second entering my body and shreding while the force blows all apart my insides. hmm i turn 18 friday sounds like i should commit suicide and join the marines. but i dont have the balls for it im weak. need to find a release. wish i could c Hayley FUCK life sucks the one good thing is taken away fuck this fuck that somebody take me outa here get my mind off my life. please help. this is a time when if i could muster the will id run away ...yes there are things going on u wont know aboutr and ask y am i like this well if u dont know i probably dont trust u or am ambarasted so fuck me... right ok Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: somethin matt gave me (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 3rd, 2005
8:41 pm	well lets see now been on the road since tuesday. which means havent talk to many poeple..not like i do much ne way. i miss hayley alot. shes all i think about when im awake and all i dream about when im asleep. the days are getting long it seems im tired as hell. big 4th of july celebration...not ill b driving to south dakota. in wyoming tonight. drove to california then turned around to go east. will b shooting prarrie dogs in a few days that should b too boring. but as it is im extremely bored and tired of being on the road. though i dont mind driving its the nights that i cant stand. gotta c some friends when i get home spend alot of time with hayley. and if shit doesnt ease up at home ill probab ly start drinking again...ne one want to join? its not fun alone. well cant get ahold of hayley tonight so the mood has become even crappier. but i guess ill watch people get eaten by dinosours on tv that always cheers me up. and dont forget to email me of respond on here cus i need stuff to do at night. ill b home next sunday maybe sat if i drive fast. Current Mood: tired (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 27th, 2005
3:42 pm	got just bout every thing together to leave. evey thing but my own shit in my mind. i was excited about leaving earlier today. but then something happened. wondering if that gun ill b with for 2 weeks might shorten my stay. cant take too much crap when on such a tight schedule. all i want to do today is c hayley for a while. thats the only thing it seems im not doing. bussy as hell not going to get every thing done. but i dont fucking care im leaving right why should i care what done around here? oh well ill b happy go lucky as long as i get to c hayley. if i dont well that rifle is going to b locked up or else i might just fire a bullet clean through my skull. not likely but the thought has crossed my mind a few times today. but im a preaty useless person. it doesnt matter either way i guess. as long as i c hayley i can go on my way happy as hell and only sad about leaving her. but im sad and worried about alot right now and thats getting on my nerves. but maybe i just need to get away. well im deffinately doing that. away from here. but cant run from my mind. can hopefully put my mind at ease tonight. well this is it for now wont say another damn thing till i get home sometime in the middle of next month should only b 12 days but u never know shit might happen. good day all. or at leaste try to. Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: FUCK that (Comment on this)